A Solitary Women

Again the girl from work tried to make me feel bad about not being more social.  I'm not.  Sue me.  Where is it written that I have to?  
I am not that good with people. I know sometimes its good to be with them, other than the 40 hrs. at work.  Like it does not take me a while to recover from that togetherness. Sometimes I am, and sometimes its good.  But often its so exhausting and uncomfortable for me I won't make myself do more of it.


Its been a while since I have had a best friend.  Its too hard to get another one.  I don't have the will, or skills. 


The perfect about of socializing for me would be dinner with someone nice and fun almost every Friday.
Breakfast out with someone maybe two Sundays a month.  Attending a  play with someone maybe 3 times a year.  Attending a concert with someone maybe 3 times a year.  A short trip with someone 2 or 3 times a year.


That would be great!  I am getting a lot less than that now, and can't seem to get it right.  The only people interested in that much interaction with me, are people that I can't take that much of. No one else interested, or else they want way more than that, so I don't do anything with them.
  
Its all a happy balance.  This women has never really been alone.  She has lived with someone 47 of her 48 years, and feels the need to socialize several times each week.  Acts like there is something wrong with me that I don't want or need it.
  
For quite a while I have been doing a good job of not letting other people make me feel bad about myself, but she manages to do it frequently.  What makes it harder to take is people seem to love her.  I know she has way more friends than I ever will, so it feels like the problem must be me then.
  
I fit in so much better with my co-workers at my last job, but other things made me leave.  I just don't fit personality wise with most of my co-workers.  Yet that is were most of my time and energy is spent.


I was looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend home alone, before I possibly ventured back out into the world on Mon, or Tues. 4 day week end for me.  Instead I end my work week feeling somehow deficient....again.  Thanks.