12/31/18
So another year comes to an end. Did it go like I thought it would? Here is some of what I thought would happen vs what did happen.
I thought I would sell both old cars and get one a bit newer. Did not happen. It seemed too overwhelming to even start. I don't carry a cell or text, and people expect instant contact. Even if I can get them to call my house phone, then it is returning all the calls, talking to them, meeting them, etc. I want them both to go to good homes. I like my 1988 Chevy, but mostly because it was my Grandma's. I LOVE my 1990 Honda Civic Wagon. She is my baby and it makes me so sad to even think about selling her. But she has had a few issues, and lots of miles. I am not a mechanic and don't have one volunteering to take good care of her. It makes good sense to have 1 good, reliable, lower mileage car when I get to retire. I won't need a back up car then to make sure I get to work. But I also want one that I could just get in and go wherever with out worrying about it either.
Well after I registered them both, had to get my monies worth out of that, so put it off for another year. Now that time is approaching and dreading it. I don't care about the money I get for them so much. But afraid if I went to a dealer or something like that, yeah, they would give me a few bucks to make the sale, but maybe they would just junk them, and I would hate to have that happen.
I was not crazy about work a year ago. But little did I know how much worse it was to get this year. I think a lot of it has to do with the new sup. we got 1 year ago. Comes in all sweet and nice, then we find she is a total control freak. Never think "how much worse can it get?" Apparently A LOT!.
I had hoped to have some of the holes in the walls of my laundry room fixed by now. And a new connection to put in a laundry tub. Besides being able to use it for messy jobs, the main thing is to let the washer drain into it, so it does not go all over the floor. It comes out of the washer faster than my old pipes can handle it. I have to babysit it and stop and start it when it drains. It has been going on a long time, and I have missed it too many times. Sometimes when I am standing right there and am not fast enough. I want to be able to walk away like a normal person.
What is holding me back from that? I am embarrassed to have any one in my messy house, even a work man. It makes sense to do the holes in the wall before I do the plumbing connection and put in the laundry tub. A plumber won't want to fix the holes. A handyman may not be up to the plumbing. Maybe that may be simple enough, but....I hate to call people, esp. to come to my house, and who do I call? I have a knack for picking the wrong one. So keep putting it off.
I had hoped that would be done by now. If it went well, after that maybe I could have the same person work on the bathroom. Assuming handy man type. New sink, vanity, toilet, floor tile , maybe wall tile, maybe medicine chest and light fixture, maybe shelving.. Can I afford it? Can I get one person to do a good job on all of it? Can I get a new, low flush toilet, that does not need to be flushed twice every time I even pee? I dragged home what is in there now myself about 35 years or so, and my ex and a room mate did most of it. I could have done most of it, but they volunteered. How do you get stuff with a handyman? Do I drag it all home and they install? Just go pick out and pay and they drag it? I think I know what floor tile, and maybe vanity, but that is all I know. Too overwhelming, and the laundry room should be first.
So by now, thought all of the above would have been done. I actually thought Britty would have gone months earlier. By now I would have sanitized everything, and adopted a couple of new bunnies, maybe a new cat. None of that has happened. First New Years Eve with no bunnies, cats, dogs, ducks....something (besides my turtle) in way longer than I can even remember. When we were first married, it was a while before we brought my dog, Tobie, over to live with us. Was that the last? And then we were probably with her at Christmas. Has there been any in the last 40 years? Kinda don't think so. I think maybe when I was really little. This is not right.
It has been 6 1/2 weeks since Britty died. I have swept and mopped the floor, but no real sanitizing. I have not even been able to bring myself to wash her towels yet. There is one by where I watch t.v. It is folded in such a way that if I rub it without looking, it feels a little like a bunny ear. I still do that sometimes when I watch t.v. I am still making excuses for not having her put to sleep earlier. She had so many ups and downs I really was not sure till the last couple days that this was most likely going to be it. I always said if I really thought they were in pain, I would do it. Well, I did think she was in pain a bit the last month or so. But I only saw it a few minutes a day, usually when I was doing something, cleaning her or something, not so much when she was just laying around. Then it seemed more like "I don't feel very well right now", and not "oh, I hurt like hell, please make it stop". I tell myself towards the end, if I could have made the decision, and 5 min. later walked into her bunny vet and done it, I would have. But the making the decision and then calling to see if he is in, and making an appt. and driving (avg. of 1/2 hr). to take her in, too much time to think about it and not do it. I keep trying to justify it. The truth may be more like when it comes to this I am a big fat coward. Britty I am sorry I made you go to the very end, and did not help you feel better sooner. I hope it was not too bad for you. Mommy loves you so much. Please forgive me, and thank you for being my bunny for almost 12 years.
What will 2019 bring? Hopefully I will take care of some of the stuff from above that I failed to take care of in 2018. Hopefully I will have some furry friends by this time next year. And hopefully by this time next year......I will be retired!!!! Can't wait!!!
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