Dear Journal

I feel like I should begin....Dear Diary, even though I am calling this a Journal.
I know absolutely nothing about blogs, why people write them, why they would ever read them.
Until recently I had never even looked at a blog. What peaked my interest was I read an article on ways to beat the blues, was the way they put it. One they suggested was to start a blog. You could either keep it private, or allow people to make comments that may make you feel better. That just seemed silly. Why not just write in a diary, or journal, or e-mail a friend. Who would want to listen to you whine? What could they say to make you feel better? Could they say stuff to make you feel worse? Yes I am sure they could.
Who has the time for a blog, to read or write? Don't these people have lives?
But I started to get curious, and looked at a few. Some of them were just beautiful! Beautiful pictures. Nature, kids, the whole thing was quite estically pleasing.
I don't even own a digital camera, and when I finally get around to buying one I am sure will take a while to learn how to use it, let alone post.
Yet here I am. I wanted to be pretty impersonal, so I won't embarrass myself in front of anyone I know. Yet if someone wants to read it...ok, I think. Insomnia maybe?

Thank God they provide spell check. I can not live with out it.

Ok, here goes.

Yesterday (Monday) after work I went to the beach. I live about 2 miles from the Pacific ocean. It was a hot day for us, about 78. We are weather wimps. Whaa...its hot. I park a ways from the water (free area), and walk. I live near a harbor. So I walk past the boats, and shops and restaurants. I smile at the dogs. I walk to the north jetty, sit and watch the waves and surfers a bit. I look at the birds. I love to watch pelicans fly. They are so prehistoric looking. A little swallow keeps flitting by. A seagull is taking a bath in the water. I breath deep and think how lucky I am to live close by.

Its almost 6 pm, and there are still a ton of people there. Our water does not get warm till the end of summer, but it is feeling pretty good on my feet. Lots of people in the water. I look for beach glass, watch the waves.

I walk to the south jetty, look at the river flowing just south of it, and the people playing in it. I finally get the we live downstream thing. There are no storm drains near my house, so I was not worried about pouring my mop bucket in the drive way sometimes. It would evaporate long before it got to water. But now I get it. Eventually it will rain, and all residue, oil, fertilizer etc. will make its way down our big hill, into the little river and out to the ocean. That's what those people are playing in now. How careful are they about pollution? It took me a while, and I am very Eco aware.

Anyway while on my walk on the beach, I am aware of feeling happy. Its something I don't feel enough of. Not that I am always depressed either, but mostly somewhere in the middle. It dawned on my how noticing I was feeling happy scared me. Silly huh? But there is a fear of oh,oh, whats going to happen bad now? Maybe not horrible, but at least kinda bad. I could get over that feeling if it was years between bad stuff, maybe months, but when its days or if I am really lucky..then weeks. It makes it a lot harder.

I started taking St. Johns Wort again, a while back, to try and lift my spirits. Maybe it is helping. I also started taking passion flower caps. That's a new one for me, except maybe in a tea blend. Its supposed to help with OCD, and I felt I was heading that way some.

After my walk, I came home, picked a few small greens out of my new little garden, and had a really good salad. Then cleaned the bunny box, fed the cat, checked my e-mail, took a shower, watched "The Closer"...excellent, and something less excellent, the news, and headed for bed.

Today after work I got a few things at the store, then got a pedicure. I had my first one about 5 years ago. I am not really the type, and get them seldom...but my toes look great now. Choose a polish called boysenberry.

Home, fed the ducks, changed their water, and its time to feed me and the cat.

Ok, its a start.