Still having a hard time.
At work when I am busy I sometimes don't think about home or ducks for a while. Then I remember, and its like someone punched me hard in the stomach, and I am going to be sick.
Compounding how sad and empty backyard the backyard is, is the fact that not only have there been ducks there for almost 19 years, but before that there was always at least one dog. The yard has never been empty, and I don't like it one bit.
Sure, I hoped to have a dog again, but don't want to get one now, by default, just because I am afraid to have more ducks. Plus there is my old, not doing well cat. I don't want to put her through adjusting to a dog at this point. If I get one down the road, can I get one already trained to protect ducks? Where?
This week I saw the guy that lives behind me putting some sheets of metal against the fence. Wonder if my other neighbor talked to him, and threatened him if he did not keep his dog in. They are only against maybe 6 ft. of the fence, and not the place I saw him go back over. Did he see him come over that way? Other neighbor says this guy, though not old, is retired. You mean to tell me, the 44 hrs. a week that I am gone for work, he could have been there seeing what was going on and did nothing? Seeing him put these metal sheets just pissed me off. I thought of the phrase "closing the barn door after the horses get out." Why the hell did he not do this 3 weeks earlier, and save 11 lives, and my broken heart??? I don't think its enough of a fix, but maybe. 3 feet are only about an inch higher now, and 3 ft. are now about 3 inches higher. But maybe it would make it harder for the dog to get toe grips if that is how he got over.
I have worried about dogs getting through and getting A duck as fence boards get eaten up by termites. I have attempted to replace a few from my side as I find them, but I can't reach low enough to attach them on the bottom on his side. But never in my worse nightmares did I think a dog would come over the fence and kill every one. Never.
Apparently I can't feed myself well when depressed either. I have been eating very badly lately.
Besides missing my ducks, I miss my plants and flowers. But I just can't be out back very long. And I can't read gardening stuff either. It just depresses me more, and that depresses me. Its a bad cycle. I am just a blob, going through the motions. A few motions anyway.
Cat not doing well. House a disaster.
Turtle not eating well. Apparently her heater has not been working. It has no indicator. My separate thermometer is MIA, don't put my hands in water when heater is on often, so it took a while for me to notice. They can't digest their food when they are cold. But...it is July. Our clouds have been so low I needed windshield wipers almost every morning. That's closer than we usually get to rain this time of year. It has been very cool though. Hate to go buy another now, when its summer and should warm up any day now. It lasted 1 1/2 years (but she was missing part of that). Has a two year warranty, but by the time I pay postage there and back, is it really worth it? Do I even have the energy to do that? Hoping to wait a few months before I really need another.
Many of my credit cards come with "Reward programs". Some are automatic. When you get so much accumulated they send you a check, or a gift certificate. One sends you what you have once a year. One that I had never gotten anything from had sent me a catalog of what so many points will get me. I need at least a couple years worth of points for about anything I would want, so I pretty much forgot about it. Every once in a while I would notice the box that said X amount of points earned this month. Just noticed, that box said X amount of points will be lost next month. Apparently you can't save them over a certain about of years, and I have been loosing points for at least 9 months now! That kinds of pissed me off. I figured I better order something to bring my points down, and not get lost. I was able to browse on line at what was available, but spent an hour trying to figure out how to redeem on line Finally call the number on the old catalog, that being a pack rat, I still have. For $3,000 points I got a $25 gift certificate for Best Buys. It took only a few days to arrive, so its kinda like a free gift to myself. Better than just loosing points. Dah! Better keep better track of that.
I also sent myself some money from one bank to move to another. So I get this $700. check in the mail. Its my money, yet it was like cool, like someone sent it to me. I deposited it. Maybe I will send myself money more often.
5;15. Ducks should be quacking for dinner. Yet they are not.
