It has been raining all day. Not that common for Southern CA in October. I usually love the rain, as long as I do not have to drive in it.
Its yet another thing I love less now. One of my favorite things to do on rainy days is to sit at my table by the window with a cup of tea. I love to look out and watch the ducks play in the rain. But there are no ducks now. I love to watch things turn green, and our hard earth soften up. I look forward to the first Sat. I will get to go out and garden after a good rain. Not so much now. I like to make cookies on rainy days. Though I have not in a while, I still think of it on rainy days. But cookies call for eggs, and that reminds me of the duck eggs I have used for so many years. Another sad reminder.
My friend Mark died Oct. 4. He would have been 55 two days later. I saw him Sept. 19. He was not doing great, but maybe a tiny bit better than last time. Oct. 3, I got a phone call that Mark had been back in the hospital with pneumonia, but it was clearing up and they were sending him back to the nursing home. They were calling in hospice. I thought that was good, hospice would see that he was better taken care of, but that did not mean he was going to die soon, just have a terminal diagnosis, and he did have that. But I thought now that summer was over, I need to smuggle his bunny over to see him when I went on Oct 10. But then Oct 4 I get the call that he had died that afternoon. I feel bad I didn't get another visit, and really bad he did not get to say good bye to his bunny. But I had no idea it would be so soon.
When the ambulance took him from his home to the hospital 16 1/2 months earlier, he expected to be coming home again. Who knew that in such a short time, the ALS would just about completely paralyze him. The average ALS person lives 3-5 years after being diagnosed. Mark did not even get two years. He could not move much except his head by the end. It is such a horrible disease. Granted he would not have wanted to live like that for too many years. But he would have been happy to live another 6 mo. or so. He had not given up yet. One more visit (and a goodbye with the bunny), knowing it might be my last would have been helpful to me, at least. But I did not get it. The one good thing, is his sister, who lives back east, managed to be with him when he died.
He made quite an impression on people that got to know him, the grace, and courage he had in dealing with his illness. I don't think I could have handled it half as well as he did. I would have either been super depressed, or furious, but not graceful.
There was no funeral. There may be a celebration of his life later on. But for now its like he just evaporated. Yet another who disappears from my life. Happy Trails my friend. You will be missed.
