This site has some good info also on cats, and coping with their death.
http://www.catsofaustralia.com/coping-cat-death.htm
My cat, Susie died yesterday. I knew it was coming...sort of. She had problems for quite a while. In the past 1.75 years maybe close to a dozen times she had pretty much stopped eating. Became very inactive, not said much, got down to skin and bones. I would think oh, oh. Here it comes, and brace myself for the end. Then she would come out, demand dinner, and start putting on weight again. She would be good for a couple more months, than slide down hill again. She could only walk a little a large part of the last 1.75 years, but she seemed happy enough. Actually maybe happier than she had been a good hunk of her life. She had been pretty much a bitch much of her life before her body started failing. Then she become a sweet heart. I took that as her way of saying..."Please don't kill me." So even though she became incontinent, and I hated living in a giant cat box. I dealt with it. I knew it would not last forever.
Her favorite thing in the world was to sit on my lap while I read in the rocking chair. I did not always encourage that. When her legs worked fine, she would constantly want to stand, and turn around which was quite painful for my legs. After she became incontinent I had to cover the chair with plastic. Lure her over to the cat box, and try to express as much urine as I could, than wrap her in a couple towels (in case she leaked) before I would let her in the chair with me. If I did not do this she sat by feet and loudly whined the whole time I tried to read. Neither was an easy option. I read a lot less.
When she started having another of her "bad spells" recently, I kept telling myself "tomorrow I will put her in the chair with me and read for a while, I know how much she loves it". But I was busy and did not do it. I wish I had.
The past week she started getting weaker. Was it cause she was not eating again, or more than that? Were her kidneys shutting down? A major cause of death in older cats, I knew that was a strong possibility. It had been a couple years since we had checked the levels at the vets. With her other problems it did not seem important to know. I never knew for sure what caused her problems walking. Several theories were suggested. The last year and a half, her vet thought the most likely cause was a tumor inside her spinal column. She would have to have and MRI, see a spinal surgeon, etc. She was 15 by then. The vet did not really recommend it, and even if she survived the surgery, she could have easily died of old age before I paid off all the bills. She did not seem to be in pain, and managed to get around. So we let it be.
My Grandmother adopted her in fall of 1994. She thought she was so beautiful. By spring of 1995, Granny was not doing well, and her and Susie came to live with me. Granny died in the summer of 1995, and Susie stayed with me until yesterday. So I had her 15.5 years. My best guess is that she would have been 17 in January. Old, but not ancient. But considering her other problems, a decent lifetime. I had asked her to stay until Jan. Hang out with me over the holidays, but I guess she was ready to go.
I wish I had taken more pics of her. I hardly have any. Until the last couple years, when she was on pred. she had scratched her face/ears constantly. She was frequently scabby from it. Drove me nuts! Different foods, or allergy meds did not seem to help. She had chronic ear infections. She ripped me to shreds every time I tried to put medicine in. Between the scratching herself and me, the "accidents", the terrorizing my other cat, Misty, I was too pissed at her to want to take a pic of the annoying scabby cat. Then the last couple of years, when that all changed, I hated to take pics of her while she was declining. I still don't have a digital camera. But hopefully have a couple decent ones on the actual roll of film in my
camera.This is not her but it looks A LOT like her several years ago I "borrowed" it. (thanks, I will hopefully give it back eventually).
I normally spend the day digging a big deep hole to bury my animals. I think my grandmother would have opted for cremation. (for years I referred to her as Grandmas cat). Plus it was about 95 degrees today, and I need a new hip. So for the first time, I choose cremation. Not sure how I felt about it. There is something healing about digging the hole, putting some flowers and herbs in with my animal and knowing they would be here, dust to dust, in a yard they had played in. But....I did not know I would still be here 32 years later, and my yard is very full of buried pets now. May sound silly, but I felt the need to clean her up before I took her to be cremated. Her back end needed a good grooming. I don't have good nursing skills. The rest of her, not as bad, but there were still mats to be cut out, and a good brushing needed.
When I came home from work yesterday and saw she was still alive, but not doing too good, I took her outside. I laid her across my lap, and started to groom her and pet her. That was where she died. I don't know that it comforted me, but I think it comforted her to be in my lap being petted when when died. It was not too awful. It was kinda peaceful, she looked pretty relaxed. I was greatful I did not have to take her in to be put down. Glad she did not seem to have much pain.
I took her to the vets office today. That was hard. The cremation place picks her up from there. I opted to have her ashes returned. It was a lot more than not getting them back. I don't really want them back, but did not want to not get them either. I always liked the idea of imagining them "sleeping" in my yard forever.
The whole end of life thing sucks..
Yeah someday I will get another cat. But not before I recover from major surgery...probably next summer. I needed to wait until after the cat was gone.
Damn! 11 ducks, 1 friend, and 1 cat all in 4.5 months. That is way too much loss all crammed together. I am almost never lonely, but it sure feels lonely here now. Its way too quiet and empty here. The holidays will suck more than usual this year. Now I can gradually work on cleaning the place up after all the cat accidents the past 1.75 years. I can pull up the plastic floor mats, etc.
The quiet emptiness is really hard now. This afternoon I went to see the movie "Hereafter". It seemed appropriate. Just what I needed today. I will go back to work tomorrow. Then the empty weekend will begin. Much as I am looking forward to getting the house cleaned up, each little bit, will be almost like erasing a part of Susie. But I need to do it.
Rest well, Susie. . I hope I did enough right to make up for what I did not do right. (its not like you were the easiest cat either). Love you kitty.
