And Again....

I picked up my cats ashes today. It was strange....of alllll the pets I have had over the many years this was the first time I ever did that. It was different. Its been almost 4 weeks since she died, so the feelings are less raw.

It came with a cute little paw print, and a nice certificate. The only thing I did not like on it was I had guessed her birth month to be Jan. 1994. It said July 1994. Maybe someone could not read the Dr's. writing, and at least the year was right. But it had comforted me to think at least she was almost 17, and now years from now I will look at it and may not remember that. I wish I had a really good pic of her to put on it. Maybe I will find one.

The other thing I did not like was it had the cremation date....and it was 16 days after she died. It bothered me that it took so long. Not that being cremated is much better than the cooler she was in, but something was disturbing. Maybe cause I am so used to burying them the next day, and I can't even begin to feel any better until then, that sending her away where she had to wait so long was troubling. Did they take a nice long Thanksgiving Holiday?

The part I did like was it came in a cute, very little ceder box with a name plate with her name on it and a lock and key. That was nice. My grandmas dog Duke is under her bed in some plastic (I think) container. Don't know what to do with him, so I do nothing. I wanted to put him in with Grandma when she died. But she died in Calif. I had her shipped to Ariz., then I flew over, and I forgot to take him.

I did find myself carrying the cats ceder box around the house talking to her. Can you tell I live alone? She is currently "sitting" in her favorite chair. But I am not yet nuts enough to keep her there. Its just for now.

The house is getting back to normal. Still a long ways to go, but the biggest part is done. It was great to empty out my steam cleaner and see all the gunk that is no longer in my carpets, and see improvement in looks and smell each week. But I still talk to her some, think I hear her, think I have to buy cat food, invite her onto my lap, etc. Yeah, well it was 15.5 years. That's a lot of habits to let go of.

Another human friend died 16 days after Susie. My friend Skip. He had just turned 73. He had diabetes, and leukemia, then got pneumonia. Not sure what the actual cause of death was. I saw him 6 days before he got pneumonia. He looked so good, and was feeling good, that I expected him to have quite a few good years left. I walked away pleased and relieved. Then I hear he is sick, but I fully expected him to recover. But he did not. He was my friend for 20 years.
I can count on one hand the men in my life I could depend on. Skip was one of them. I have always thought of him when I hear the song "Can't find a better man".
His memorial is on Sat.I have to go, but it will make him being gone more real. I still think I need to send him this funny e-mail, then stop myself.

Will I have any one left in my life? Loosing people/pets is almost like the ricther scale. 14 looses are WAY more than 7, etc.