New Years Eve

I always stay home New Years Eve. It is usually less a big celebration, and more of a time to take stock of where I am. What happened in the year, what are my hopes and dreams for the next year
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I like to have a clean house (not that that happens much). I like to have the bills paid, and lots of food on hand. I feel it starts me off in the right direction for the new year.

Do I make resolutions? Kinda. Not on paper usually, unless I put them in a journal, but I make some. The usual one for me is to eat better. I am a vegetarian, but often eat pretty bad. My favorite food group is the desert group, followed by the pasta group. I need to put more veggies, fruits, and whole grains in the mix again. They tend to go away when I am stressed or depressed. Am I still depressed. Oh, yeah. But I still need to try and eat better.

What happened in my life in 2010 that was unexpected? Well, I knew there was a good chance my cat would die this year. I did not expect Mark to die this year. The thought had occurred to me that Skip might die, when he was not doing well. But when I saw how well he was doing in Oct. I really did not expect him to die in Nov.
Most of all I never thought I would be duckless. I knew some would probably die of old age/natural causes. I was afraid I might loose one to a night time predator. But never ever did the thought of having them all killed in broad day light in June, ever enter my mind. Now it may never leave my mind. Still afraid to get more.
I did a lot of work in the yard having my big tree trimmed, and moving plants. I expected it to be looking pretty good by now. I did not expect to be unable to bring myself to do much at all out there after June. It looks like crap. Its a sunny day, supposed to hit 61 degrees. The ground may still be soft from the last rains. I should do something...but even if I make myself, there is no joy in it. Will that EVER come back?

Oh, and while I think of it, a year ago I was encouraged about making all my charitable donations on line this year. The few I made last year went well. It took a while to set it up, expected to just add in the rest, and I would be good to go, and next year would be a snap. Wrong. There is now a $10. minimum donation on the site I used and a few others I found. Again, I know the ones that I send $5. or so to are not sitting by their mail box crying that I did not send them their $5. this year, but I still did not want to leave them out. So that was a pain in the but...I had already written what I wanted to send who, and recycled all the many donation requests I receive when I discovered the minimum. What did I do? Well I discovered most of them can be paid (anonymously if you want) on Pay Pal. So that's what I did. It was not at all user friendly. Each had to be done as a completely different transaction, no shopping card, all at once thing. So it was time consuming, and annoying. I did it, but not looking forward to how I am going to handle next year.

Physically I am way worse that a year ago. One new problem I don't want to mention showed up out of the blue. Its very upsetting, and hoping eating better may help some...getting more exorcise may help some, if not I don't know what I will do. Its quite annoying.

I am not terribly surprised my hip got so bad so fast. It had been very slowly getting worse, but after the way the other one speeded up, its not a big surprise this one has. Pain is depressing, and exhausting.
I will probably have a hip replacement in 2011. I am so unattached, I don't even have a ride to the hospital. I do not want to take a taxi. The person who took me last time is dead. Who do I know that lives in the area that has a Tues, or Weds off, and would do it? No one. The person that took care of my animals last time is no longer a part of my life. I only have a mear 4 now. I can pay my pet sitter, for the bunnies, but the turtle tank is really gross and disgusting and takes quite a while to clean. Hate to ask her to do that, even if she may be willing. I will need help with the bunnies for at least a few weeks, and help cleaning the turtle tank about 6 or 7 times. No idea who to get to do that. A ride home from the hospital may be a little easier, it hopefully will be on a weekend. Then the visit back to the Dr's. in two weeks, again on a week day? Again no one. I can take care of myself when I get home. I can get some one to pick up groceries. But its good to have someone make sure I am still OK when I am recovering. Not looking forward to this. Kinda thinking I will do it in June. It will be here soon, too soon.

What is better now, than a year ago? Not much. The only thing I can think of is the house smells better, maybe looks a tiny bit better. After Suzy died, I started cleaning, and have made some progress. Marks bunny is here and doing OK with my girls. That was an ordeal. They were fine without him, but he was home alone a year ago. Even though I had not yet met him, I was concerned about him. Yeah, that about it.

What do I hope/expect to be better a year from now? I expect to be in less pain. Then I can do more, or at least walk more. That will be good. Otherwise? Can't think of anything. All my joy and optimism of a great new year is gone. Will I ever get it back?