Nov. 16, 2018
So I get up, get that kick in the stomach feeling twice. Britty is dead and I have to go to the DMV. I am over come with feeling of dread. I haven't cried about Britty yet, and now afraid if I do, I will have an even harder time at the DMV, so trying to put that off. First I have to call in sick. Then get ready and go.
Arrive about 9:15, for my 9:20 appt. I don't know if I am going to have to do a driving test or not. Get in the appt. line. Only 1 person ahead of me. He is friendly, says I look familiar. Yeah, maybe because I was here last month, but did not have my marriage certificate. Get my number and go sit down and practice reading stuff far away with my right eye. It is not looking good, even with the new glasses. But I can't be at the counter before my turn, so I would be closer when it was my turn. Praying that would be enough.
They call my name and I go way back by where people are taking tests. I wonder if this is some flunked the eye test specialist. I am not mentioning my eye test or the form. I say I am back to try again to get my Real Id drivers license. I give him all my verifs. and he spends a long time looking at them, then goes to check with someone else. They are all legit, but I feel like I am trying to cross a European border with forged documents. Eventually he comes back and says "everything seems to be in order". (Good, so I can cross the border now?) More nervous. Then I think well maybe he is just new. Trying to think how to ask without pissing him off. So come up with "have you worked here long?" That got him talking. Apparently he is a temp. He is trying to get on permanently, but he works a year or so then they send him home, then a while later call him back. Says they like him, and he is supposed to be here at least for another year. Ok, making progress. He does not have the eye charts hanging behind him like many of the other stations, so thinking he may send me to another one for that. Trying to practice on the closest one while he is checking and checking. Not feeling optimistic about those charts.
Finally time for the dreaded eye test. He does not send me to another station. At the right side of his, he had one of those machines on the counter. I had been so busy staring at the closest charts, I hadn't paid any attention to it. First I look with no glasses, hoping by some miracle I can keep the dreaded must wear corrective lenses off my license. He tells me to read the top line by the number 1. What I see is several lines at the top, that I think I can read, but they have no numbers, and several tiny little lines at the bottom next to numbers. I think he means the tiny top one in the bottom group that has the numbers, (not the very top one, with no number). So I attempt it. Don't know if I got any right. He says that can't be the top one. I move a bit and everything disappears. I put on my glasses and try again, reading the top line whether it has a number or not (don't remember). I think I get at least several of them right. Then again, and I think I get them all. Not sure if I read 3 or 4 times. I thought it would be like last time. First both eyes, then left, then right. Maybe he did it completely opposite. Anyway, somehow, he then said "ok you passed but with corrective lenses". He printed out another form saying that. Not happy about the lenses, but happy he said I passed. Still felt doubtful though. He has not asked for my eye Dr. referral form and I have not offered it. He says that the computer says I needed a referral, but since I passed he does not think that will be necessary. I don't pull it out and give it to him. I am afraid if I do, he might want to scrutinize my eye test more. But also afraid if I don't it won't really go through until I get it and I will have to come back with it. Decide to cross that bridge if I have to, and do not offer it.
Then he sends me over to get my picture taken. Not thrilled with that. Last month I was more prepared. My hair looked better, and I had a prettier shirt on. But I get in line. She is almost to me, and gets interrupted. Finally gets to me and asks me to put my thumb on the reader. Try a couple times, and nothing. She asks what window I was at, I tell her, but he is not there now. She says his computer is not communicating with hers yet, it must just be taking a while. Please step aside. So I wait. She takes a few more pics. She gets interrupted a lot more. Eventually my guy comes back and while helping someone else notices me standing there and motions me back to him. I tell him what she said. He looks again, and said, oh, it is already in progress in Sacramento, you don't need another picture, you can go now.
I feel a bit uncertain if it really is all over, but hoping so. It is really getting busy now. I was there, with an appt., about 65 minutes. Not too bad. Really glad I had that appointment.
I want to come out of there feeling like the weight of the world is off of my shoulders. Maybe go celebrate with a bit of shopping and a movie, then come home and hug my bunny.
But instead my sweet bunny is dead and I have to deal with that. I just can't deal then. I decide to just live in denial for a while.
I go walk around downtown Vista for a while till it was time for a movie. Hoping I don't see anyone I know after calling sick. But I do see P.C. from work, but she is ok, won't get me in trouble. Do a bit of shopping. Then go see "The Girl in the Spiders Web". Then stop at Costco and home.
Again that evening I do the Norman Bates thing and get Britty out of the fridge to watch t.v. with me. Feeling relieved about the DMV, bad, sad, guilty and creepy about the way I am dealing/not dealing with Britty.
It might have been better for both of us if she had gone the weekend before. 5 days earlier. I talked about that with her. "You know I don't want you to go, but if it is getting to by your time are you sure you don't want to go Sat. when I don't have to go to work, or Sun. before I drive 30 miles to stock up on bunny supplies for you?" It would have been good to not have to deal with work, DMV and loosing Britty all at the same time (not to mention the $70. I spent renewing my House Rabbit membership and buying her food and supplies she won't be here for. Plus she probably weighed a pound more then and could have skipped a few days of not feeling good. But who am I to say when? I couldn't. She probably stuck around for me anyway. Poor little sweet girl.
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